I don’t write these rhymes. I just write about them. So before you hit the break, let me warn you that both Jay-Z and Childish Gambino are featured in this installment of Deaf•initions. As always, this space includes some of hip-hop’s most illogical and stupid lyrics. Point and laugh after the break.
Lil Wayne – Goulish
“His head up his ass, Ima have to headbutt him.”
Let me get this straight. Well before we get straight, what’s a headbutt? A headbutt is when you hit someone’s head with your own head. Forget about Zidane because he distorted the definition. Heabutts are head on head. So back to Weezy F Baby. According to Wayne, Pusha-T’s head is currently up his ass since he’s talking a lot of crap. As a result, Wayne is going to hurt him with a headbutt. Since Pusha’s head is currently up his butt, Wayne is going to shove his head up Pusha’s..yeah..you get the point, like a chapter out of 50 Shades of Gray.
Childish Gambino – American Royalty
“Old school Jay like Beyonce’s fiancee.”
Deaf•inition, fiancee, a woman engaged to be married. Last time I checked, Jay and Beyonce are already married. They’re not engaged, they’re married. Sorry Donald. Even then, Royalty is better than your favorite rapper’s album.
T-Pain- Blame It (On The Alcohol)
“It’s going down we can go and kick it like judo.”
Actually Pain, kicks aren’t allowed in Judo because it is mostly a self-defense sport which features grappling and submissions. Most traditional Judo schools don’t teach kicks. Don’t you dare blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol either.
Shout out to Rus I. for the suggestion.
Soulja Boy – Mean Mug
“Tatted on my neck and throat.”
If you thought tattin’ your neck was painful, just wait until they cut your neck up and tattoo your throat. But why would anyone want to tattoo their esophagus? I guess I better turn my swag on.
Jay-Z – 3 Kings
“Used to shop at T.J. Maxx back in ’83/ I don’t even know if it was open then.”
Aside from providing players like me with affordable swag, they also like to tweet, and they’re ether with it. Lay-Z verse Jay-Z. Take it away Tee-J.
Hey @S_C_, thanks for the shout out! We opened in March 1977 and have been keeping stylish men in designer labels for less ever since.
— T.J.Maxx (@tjmaxx) July 20, 2012
Pitbull – I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)
“Now watch him make a movie like Albert Hitchcock.”
Rick Ross – High Definition
“Put a number on your helmet like its Notre Dame.”
Rozay’s vision seems to be pretty standard. Notre Dame football helmets don’t have numbers. Ross I think you’re Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles. UGH.
Young Jeezy – Always Strapped (Remix)
“Damn shades so dark I can’t even blink.”
For swag purposes, rappers never take off their sunglasses even if they’re indoors, but Jeezy, do you wear your shades while you sleep? I don’t see why you can’t blink under dark shades. Unless, you walk around with your eyes closed therefore you can’t blink because your eyes are closed. Yeah that must be it.